Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head?

This Fierce Little Fracas

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I’ve been watching a lot of Lost lately, and listening a lot to Sixpence None the Richer too. Mainly because lost is how I feel, and Sixpence has the dual benefit of providing me with a sound that I love that doesn’t sound like anyone else, and putting my inner thoughts to music.

My head has felt on fire for about a week now, maybe more, about things like purpose, conformity and non-conformity, and the institutionalization of church. About the wanton meanness people commit. About the wanton meanness we commit against each other in the church. And how that, if we can’t get our crap together within our hallowed chambers Sunday morning, we’ll never reach that pinnacle of relevance so many of us talk about, and so few actually achieve.

Central in my thoughts is my own role in this fierce little fracas. I’m trying to do my part, you know, and I’m relearning that in order walk, we have to begin on our knees. Literally and figuratively. For example…

The movie small group idea that first wrote about last July just might be coming to fruition here in the next week or so. The challenge is generating interest among 500 people, most of whom have kids in school, and about a third of which are involved in some kind of continuing education. It doesn’t leave a lot of time to meet and talk about the movies.

Then there’s the resistance. I haven’t heard any personally, but a friend who tried to start a similar group a few years ago told me about his experience. For some reason, many Christians have this dualistic approach to the movies—inwardly we think they’re really a bad influence, but we’ll still take a trip to Blockbuster every weekend, you know, just to have a look around.

And then we get upset when people call us hypocritical.

I even tried to assert my influence in the political realm yesterday, sending off an e-mail to one of my state reps. I think I said what I wanted to say, but the words were so guarded. It certainly didn’t ring with the courage of Churchill. But it was an effort at least. See, I have these things I believe, but my articulation needs a little work, at least I think it does. And that stonewalls my hopes at asserting any kind of influence in the larger world of things and ideas.

So I’m left here, searching and organizing; listening to the melancholy howl of an electric guitar, watching stories that say a surprising lot about the need for redemption and grace. There’s something in there that I can’t put words too just yet. But, as you can see, I’m working on it.


Written by taj

January 24, 2007 at 5:22 pm

One Response

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  1. Life is filled with the fracases (sp?) of which you speak. And the church is filled with them. But, take heart, you are not alone. The One who gives grace and the One who filled you with the love and intellect you so clearly possess, refuses to leave you without Companionship. Your blog line says, “to separate the stuff from the stuff.” Now’s the time to do so. Realize that God has placed a great idea into your mind, and regardless of the opposition you may feel or experience, He will strengthen you and guard you.

    By the way, don’t worry about your role in the political process. My advice to you would be to express your heart for it is good. Guard your words less, and trust in God to speak through you.


    January 25, 2007 at 7:32 am

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