QUADRIVIUM

Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head?

Pastor Appreciation Sketch

with one comment

Two people on stage, Two carries a paper bag with the following items: a bottle of sparkling cider, a tube of cheese whiz, and an envelope of money…

One: Hey where’ve you been?

Two: I had to meet with my realtor. 

One: Really?  You thinking about selling your house?

Two: No, I had to get Pastor appraised for Pastor Appreciation Month

One: You had to do what? 

Two: Appraise his value.  See, cars and computers depreciate.  Homes and pastors appreciate. 

One: Ah. 

Two: Get it? 

One: Not really. 

Two: It means his value increases with age. 

One: Oooh.  So we can say something like, “Pastor, you are like a fine aged Merlot.”

Two: Well, not really.

One: Why not? 

Two: Well, we’re Nazarenes.  Comparing a pastor to a fine aged Merlot has to violate something in the manual. 

One: I see. 

Two: Plus, comparing him to something aged sounds like we’re saying he’s old. 

One: So what do we do? 

Two: I got him some sparkling cider.  (pulls out bottle)

One: Oh, good choice. 

Two: And you know how they say that wine and cheese go together, right? 

One: Yeah.

Two: So I got him some cheese whiz.  (pulls out tube)

One: Don’t you think he deserves something a little nicer?

Two: Like what? 

One: I don’t know…Velveeta? 

Two: Ah, Velveeta tastes cheap.  Trust me, he’ll like this. 

One: You know what else we could do?  Get some flowers for his wife. 

Two: Great idea.  I was thinking: Pastor works like twenty-five hours a day, eight days a week, right? 

One: Yeah. 

Two: So I was thinking he deserved another nice gift. 

One: Like what?

Two: The kind that lets him choose for himself (reveals envelope with money). 

One: Perfect.  Hey, when do you think we could give all this to him? 

Two: How ‘bout right now?

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Written by taj

November 5, 2007 at 1:25 pm

Posted in Writing

One Response

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  1. I don’t know why this was nixed, and I don’t really need to know, but, coming from a pastor who didn’t have a Pastor’s Appreciation, this is very cool. So, I take it from you as if it was for me and say, “Thanks, I appreciate it!!”

    Ralph Johnson

    November 6, 2007 at 9:11 am


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